My Alley

goals for 2012

2012-02-15T23:06:00.002-05:00

make puffed quilt
join a club or 2 (knitting, photography, rugby)
enter photo competition
have a boyfriend
hold a real live owl
sing and play an original song live
cook a 5 course meal
complete a scrapbook of 2012
paint something colorful

back to december...

2012-02-15T23:01:00.001-05:00

12/8

{from my diary}

i never wrote in here about
why i am no longer at college.
i am in the process of re-
applying though.

it is not complicated. to put it
simply, I got so sick I had to go to
the hospital for a week and by
then it was too late to catch up
because the doctors said i was still
not recovered enough.

But my illness was not
phenomena or a broken bones. It wasn't
one you could see from the outside
you wouldn't know
because I kept it hidden

I have an anxiety disorder
I struggle with depression

I wanted to kill myself.

It's not easy to understand.
But it is a sickness
It is something you can prevent
in the future.

Like other diseases you cannot
see them coming
or avoid them

And I needed
serious help

I never want to get sick again
and have to go to the terrible place
that makes things worse.
it's supposed to help.
but the only way it helped me was
to see how good I have it
and to never go there ever again.

I saw such misery

sad people

empty people

and they said "I wish I had your life"

I suppose I should
value my life more.

puppies make life so much better

2012-02-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

I am literally crying a river right now. These poor puppies that people just throw away, it's making me so sad. I normally am not an emotional person. This week has been really messed up though. So... I need to let it out and the puppies, the last straw! I am so glad the love of my life, Fabel, found me. In the picture with her is my sister. I couldn't imagine myself happy without either one of them. She came to me at just the right time in my life. Right after I got out of the psychiatric ward for anxiety/depression. It's hard but not too difficult to just come out and say things online, so here it goes. I wanted to kill myself. If I tell you why... it probably wont make sense. I was in a bad place (in my mind, geneva is not bad lol) that I am still getting away from. But there you have it. I don't want to kill myself anymore, but I still can get depressed and anxious like now.

Monday I was in a fender-bender which brought the accident from September fresh in my mind. Today on the way to school, there was an accident right by my school. In bible class a kid had to leave to get some kind of medical attention, that was scary. the teacher said, "stay with me" and it took me back to the moment when I woke up in a totaled suv thinking I had almost died seconds before. I thought the next thing I would see was Jesus. It almost made me sad that it was my friend in the seat next to me and not Jesus that I saw. That's the truth. But i was relieved that i wouldn't have to leave my friends and family behind. and i was so grateful that everyone made it through the crash. it was so scary. i am just now starting to deal with those emotions instead of keeping them locked in the deepest parts of my suppressed thoughts. lots of people get in a lot of worse crashes, and i kept telling myself my experience was no big deal, all i got was a few minor injuries. the truth is not everyone has to go through that. it did effect my quality of life and my foot was killing me and i had to skip rubgy and other fun things my first semester of college. and i didnt even stay to see it through. but i am back now so i guess that shows determination. coming back was probably even more scary than the 1st day of school. i dont want people to judge me. i dont want them to turn the other way when i tell them my problems because i am just too messed up. damn. i just wanted to fit in. but thats not me. the truth is i am different, and I gotta just be me. someone special will think the world of me, and I want to find him so bad, cuz i feel so lonely now. it helps for me to share this with whoever is listening. thanks for reading. and if you are lonely too, don't give up please. "Stay with me". thats what Jesus said to me in class this morning. It wasen't Dr. Warren talking to a boy, it was Jesus telling me he is all I need to make it though. Take courage and hopefully you have a better week than I have had so far. (how i got from puppies to Jesus is a mystery lol.... but thats Alyssa for you)

new. quilt. project. planning.

2012-02-05T03:57:00.001-05:00

I have been looking at different sites to get an idea of what types of quilts are out there. I am almost sure I wanted to make a puff quilt with scraps I already have. Here just take a look, tell me what you think. Which are your favorites? I'm gonna post a couple here that are my absolute favorites. Go to my pinterest board to see where they are from.

quilting <<<<< Click here

my quilting.

2012-02-05T03:03:00.000-05:00

Log Cabin Pattern, diagonal stripes


back side of quilt

Many of you might not know, I sew. I have done a few quilts. I started with a tiny quilting kit my friend gave me for my birthday. Loved it! I started helping to sew clothes (and pillows on my own) as a kid. My mom would do most of the dress, but I would help with the side seams, and with putting the dress straps together, and cutting out fabric sometimes. My masterpiece so far is a purple log-cabin quilt I made for my sister for Christmas.


		pillow I made out of extra to go along with it. In center of pillow is a button.

Valentine Give-away

2012-02-02T16:57:00.002-05:00

Valentines day is always a nice holiday, even though i am single. i love the sales on chocolates afterwards! and i love writing notes to friends telling them how I love them. Well since I love you all so much I wanted to tell you about this giveaway a friend of mine is having. check it out! http://veronikaskandykoateddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/sweets-for-my-sweets-valentine-giveaway.html?spref=tw

good luck!

Trippy

2012-01-16T20:23:00.000-05:00

This picture is weird. If you scroll up and down on the page it looks like it moves.... like it bulges up and down.

Job Search cont...

2012-01-16T17:53:00.000-05:00

It's been over a week and no returns to my job applications. So.... now I am applying to some occasional child care and pet sitting on this website called care.com

Wish me luck!

funny/ugly dogs

2012-01-16T17:50:00.000-05:00

Some of these will make you laugh, some, make you grimace and some... wonder how such a creature was ever created!!! lol

cute as a button

2012-01-08T03:02:00.000-05:00

Job Search

2012-01-04T19:23:00.000-05:00

I have applied to 10+ places. Subway, Walmart, Fashion Bug, Wendys, Eatin' Park, Ponderosa, Taco Bell, among others I have not filled out the applications yet. Man talking about all those food places makes me hungry lol.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T20:43:00.000-05:00

It is hard for me to believe Christmas is almost over. I'll be getting another gerbil soon, so Christmas isn't really over for me. I think Christmas will feel over when I go back to college.

David's son...

2011-12-20T17:27:00.000-05:00

I wonder... did Absalom look like this?

ok, so this photo convinced me, it is possible for a guy to be hot with long hair.

new blog

2011-12-19T23:42:00.000-05:00

I have a new blog just for my photography. Check it out!

~ foto fanatic ~

Black mottled Gerbils

2011-12-19T19:57:00.002-05:00

I already have a cage for the pair of gerbils I will soon get. I want to eventually breed them but first I'll need to get completely moved in to my new room. I'll also need proper shelving and habitats for them. Until then, I'll start off with a couple of boys and name them Shawn and Gus.

I really want some that look just like this. Then our family will have a b&w dog, b&w rabbit, and b&w fish!

The gerbils . com
Here is an awesome website to learn about gerbils, breeding, feeding, behavior, and their different colors and patterns. I really like the black heavy mottled ones.
I found one I want to buy! I had to call about 20 different pet stores in this area. I finally found a black mottled one but it's an hour away in downtown Pittsburgh. My mom is going to take me to get it tomorrow afternoon.

Our family has had 5 different gerbils in the past. Three lilac ones were sisters (for years we thought they were boys). [I have improved at telling their sexes]. We also got a brown one, to pair with one of the lilacs. Later a friend gave us a tan one and we paired her with the lilac because the brown had died. Eventually after a few years all the lilac ones passed but my other friend still has the tan one. Their names were Ralph & Roo, Remy (lilac) & Emile (brown) and Sunshine (tan).

She's on fire

2011-12-14T17:03:00.000-05:00

Someday...

2011-12-10T23:36:00.000-05:00

Someday I was to visit India. If I like it, maybe I'd spend some time as a student teacher. But I don't want to go alone, I would have to go with close friends because I know I would miss home too much.