Perception

I have a new sense of spirituality,
morality,
confidence,
individuality.
It's a new way of how I view the world.

Not everything is black and white
wrong and right

There are all kinds of people
living in our world
There are diverse cultures
some new, some old
what seems right to a mother
may seem wrong to a father
there are all kinds of people
living in our world

This world belongs to all of us
we are made equal
man and wife
still there is so much chaos
so much strive
in this great big puzzle
we call life

We hope for health and prosperity
yet we long for these things selfishly
you think what you have is so great
But do you really know your fate?

why can't we care for the poor
just walk out your door
And see what this world
has in store

if you help out others
treat strangers as brothers
then there is more humanity
in all this insanity

Just walk a day in anothers shoes
what would you have to lose?
what they do has an effect on you
because they live on this planet too

It really is no mystery
one person can shape history
this moment will soon be past
do kind deeds, put yourself last

it pays to be kind
it is good to be fair
that could have been you,
that person over there
maybe good people are hardly seen
because they are looked down upon as
poor and meek

Don't you know that with charity comes greater riches
than can be bought
to ease pain and sickness
is joy that should be sought
material riches can bury you in pretty ditches
being honest and true is better than fame and glory
this is my story

the only way to bring yourself happiness
is to push past the pain and crapiness
there is an end in sight

The end I see is
the end of pain
the end of evil, hurt and shame
the end of war and terror
peace and those who care
maybe it will never happen in this life
Yet, I believe someone will take me there.

Unity, equality, peace for all
that is what I would call
a perfect beautiful wonderful place
where all are wholly full of grace
now it's time to do better
we can all work together
giving it all our might
never giving up the fight

not everything is black and white
wrong and right

fighting over technicalities
is what beings all these fatalities

If you are hurting nobody,
then you are doing right
When you might cause others pain
then try to think twice

everyone has a place
we are all part of the human race
dark to light, no matter your face
we all have hands and feet
we come in many shapes
we work and eat,
we have children, we die
we can all smile
we can all cry
There is not much difference
between you and I.

We are all living, breathing
humans on earth
We have language, identify,
individuality
Yet some are still being treated as property
Land, animals, houses, gold
those can be bought or sold.
A person is not a possession.

learn this lesson.
Forget the billionaires with their
billion dollar abodes
They are in constant worry of losing it all,
what a terrible load
Instead, use what you have wisely, don't be greedy
Only love lasts forever in the hearts of those dear to us.
If you have what you need,
you do not need excess.

There is something I must confess.
I used to feel superior to those with less than I.
Less education, less religion, less possessions,
I thought "How lucky am I,"
Then I became unhappy with it all
I was anxious and worried that I would not make it.
I would smile and say, "I'm fine"
but I faked it
I was a mess inside
falling apart, wishing to die.
I was lonely, too focused on my everyday stresses.
I know now that I have many blessings.
Being the best at everything is impossible.
Just be yourself and love others.
Make joy possible.

Not everything is black and white
wrong and right.

1st year anniversary

Kissing at Dusk, trip to Philadelphia, PA

I am happy to announce that as of March 17, 2013 my boyfriend Tim and I have been an official couple for a whole year! We had both been looking for that special someone for a long time, like 5 years (ok, not that long, but it seems like forever doesn't it). We met on a blind date last year set up by a friend of ours. We were both freshmen at Geneva College at the time. I can't begin to describe how much love he has brought to my life! He always has something nice to say to cheer me up when I'm down. We both love puppies (and other animals) we both play guitar, although I play acoustic and he plays electric. We both love God and we are both the eldest child in our family. We both have goals for our own careers. Over this year, I have seen how perfect he is for me! We both want a couple kids someday, and to adopt a child. We have our differences but we respect each other in our different opinions. We have shared so many laughs as well as tears. I can't wait to share the rest of our lives together!

me and my man

March 26 praises!

I don't have a lot of time right now b/c I'm at school. But I just wanna say that right now... i love life. God has been blessing so much these days. I have a wonderful boyfriend. I have a job. School is going well. I have a loving family and great pets (gerbils and doggies ) and I have good health. And I am enjoying rugby, and healing well from my injuries from the car accident. I could go on... but you get the picture! God is Good! take care and God Bless you.

20th birthday

presents!!!

cake!

friends!

funny friends.

friends 4ever

New Prospects!

I am going to start working at Subway on Sunday! This is a great opportunity that I have been praying for, for awhile. Out of all the places I applied to, this is the only one that got back with me. It's like it's meant to be. So, I'll have less free time and I may have to give up things I enjoy like volunteering on Tuesday afternoons at the art center. But this is a great job that I will be able to probably work full time at in the summer. I love eating Subway food too, today I had a chicken sub. I will miss doing cool camp probably, but I'll ask for a week and a half off to be a Counselor at a Bible Camp in VA. There are also some neat jobs on campus I am interested in, and I am thinking about living on-campus next year. Well, that's it for now.

P.S. I am going on a blind date in a couple days from now. 

back to december...

12/8

{from my diary}

i never wrote in here about
why i am no longer at college.
i am in the process of re-
applying though.

it is not complicated. to put it
simply, I got so sick I had to go to
the hospital for a week and by
then it was too late to catch up
because the doctors said i was still
not recovered enough.

But my illness was not
phenomena or a broken bones. It wasn't
one you could see from the outside
you wouldn't know
because I kept it hidden

I have an anxiety disorder
I struggle with depression

I wanted to kill myself.

It's not easy to understand.
But it is a sickness
It is something you can prevent
in the future.

Like other diseases you cannot
see them coming
or avoid them

And I needed
serious help

I never want to get sick again
and have to go to the terrible place
that makes things worse.
it's supposed to help.
but the only way it helped me was
to see how good I have it
and to never go there ever again.

I saw such misery

sad people

empty people

and they said "I wish I had your life"

I suppose I should
value my life more.

puppies make life so much better

I am literally crying a river right now. These poor puppies that people just throw away, it's making me so sad. I normally am not an emotional person. This week has been really messed up though. So... I need to let it out and the puppies, the last straw! I am so glad the love of my life, Fabel, found me. In the picture with her is my sister. I couldn't imagine myself happy without either one of them. She came to me at just the right time in my life. Right after I got out of the psychiatric ward for anxiety/depression. It's hard but not too difficult to just come out and say things online, so here it goes. I wanted to kill myself. If I tell you why... it probably wont make sense. I was in a bad place (in my mind, geneva is not bad lol) that I am still getting away from.  But there you have it. I don't want to kill myself anymore, but I still can get depressed and anxious like now.

Monday I was in a fender-bender which brought the accident from September fresh in my mind. Today on the way to school, there was an accident right by my school. In bible class a kid had to leave to get some kind of medical attention, that was scary. the teacher said, "stay with me" and it took me back to the moment when I woke up in a totaled suv thinking I had almost died seconds before. I thought the next thing I would see was Jesus. It almost made me sad that it was my friend in the seat next to me and not Jesus that I saw. That's the truth. But i was relieved that i wouldn't have to leave my friends and family behind. and i was so grateful that everyone made it through the crash. it was so scary. i am just now starting to deal with those emotions instead of keeping them locked in the deepest parts of my suppressed thoughts. lots of people get in a lot of worse crashes, and i kept telling myself my experience was no big deal, all i got was a few minor injuries. the truth is not everyone has to go through that. it did effect my quality of life and my foot was killing me and i had to skip rubgy and other fun things my first semester of college. and i didnt even stay to see it through. but i am back now so i guess that shows determination. coming back was probably even more scary than the 1st day of school. i dont want people to judge me. i dont want them to turn the other way when i tell them my problems because i am just too messed up. damn. i just wanted to fit in. but thats not me. the truth is i am different, and I gotta just be me. someone special will think the world of me, and I want to find him so bad, cuz i feel so lonely now. it helps for me to share this with whoever is listening. thanks for reading. and if you are lonely too, don't give up please. "Stay with me". thats what Jesus said to me in class this morning. It wasen't Dr. Warren talking to a boy, it was Jesus telling me he is all I need to make it though. Take courage and hopefully you have a better week than I have had so far. (how i got from puppies to Jesus is a mystery lol.... but thats Alyssa for you)

my quilting.

Log Cabin Pattern, diagonal stripes

 

 

 

 

back side of quilt

Many of you might not know, I sew. I have done a few quilts. I started with a tiny quilting kit my friend gave me for my birthday. Loved it! I started helping to sew clothes (and pillows on my own) as a kid. My mom would do most of the dress, but I would help with the side seams, and with putting the dress straps together, and cutting out fabric sometimes. My masterpiece so far is a purple log-cabin quilt I made for my sister for Christmas.

 

 pillow I made out of extra to go along with it. In center of pillow is a button.

 

 

cute as a button

Christmas 2011

It is hard for me to believe Christmas is almost over. I'll be getting another gerbil soon, so Christmas isn't really over for me. I think Christmas will feel over when I go back to college. 

Black mottled Gerbils

I already have a cage for the pair of gerbils I will soon get. I want to eventually breed them but first I'll need to get completely moved in to my new room. I'll also need proper shelving and habitats for them. Until then, I'll start off with a couple of boys and name them Shawn and Gus.

I really want some that look just like this. Then our family will have a b&w dog, b&w rabbit, and b&w fish!

The gerbils . com
Here is an awesome website to learn about gerbils, breeding, feeding, behavior, and their different colors and patterns. I really like the black heavy mottled ones. 
 I found one I want to buy! I had to call about 20 different pet stores in this area. I finally found a black mottled one but it's an hour away in downtown Pittsburgh. My mom is going to take me to get it tomorrow afternoon.

Our family has had 5 different gerbils in the past. Three lilac ones were sisters (for years we thought they were boys). [I have improved at telling their sexes]. We also got a brown one, to pair with one of the lilacs. Later a friend gave us a tan one and we paired her with the lilac because the brown had died. Eventually after a few years all the lilac ones passed but my other friend still has the tan one. Their names were Ralph & Roo, Remy (lilac) & Emile (brown) and Sunshine (tan).

Someday...

Someday I was to visit India. If I like it, maybe I'd spend some time as a student teacher. But I don't want to go alone, I would have to go with close friends because I know I would miss home too much. 

6 days!

I am so excited for this move! In less then a week my family will be relocating to a home just a few miles from my college. It has 2 bathrooms, 4 bedrooms, and a deck! I miss having a deck. Not to mention the Jacuzzi. =] Oh and I didn't even mention our family got a puppy! Her name is Fabelle.

Fall Break

All the leaves aren't turned color yet, but it's time for fall break anyhow. I'm glad. Just two more classes and I'll be spending time with my family. I haven't seen them for... I've lost track let me see... 40 days. That's about 6 weeks. I've never been away from home for that long. It wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. :) I love college. I am however looking forward to grandma's cooking and nice country air.

memories of summer, and new memories

This past summer was amazing. In fact I don't think I have ever had a more exciting one. It felt so good to be done with high-school. I worked at a day camp, such a blessing! Went to Jersey Shore for the 1st time. Went kayaking for 1st time. Was away from home for 5 weeks, although I came home on Sundays I barely had 24hrs. at home. That was an adjustment but I got through it with God's help. I was in my 1st car accident. 1st time on crutches. I still miss summer, although I'm about 6 weeks into school, it seems like the summer was just over last week sometimes. I miss my friends. I love my new friends at college and am making new memories. But, the friends I've had for 2-5 years I have such good memories with! And though my sister is here on campus, my best friend for 17, almost 18 years, our school schedules conflict so I don't even see her that much. But enough of this emotional talk. Tomorrow is homecoming day and my friend from high-school is coming to meet me and watch the game. Hope you all have a good week! -Alyssa

Health prayer request.

Please continue to pray for my foot that was injured about 6 weeks ago in a car accident. It isn't healing as fast as I think it should. I wear my sneakers all the time. Without that support, each step really hurts or I walk with a limp so I don't have to bend my foot. I don't take pain medicine because I don't want to become addicted. Please also pray for my allergies and that this cough goes away completely. I don't want to get infected lungs. Thanks. God Bless.

thursday afternoon

sitting beneath the oak tree
the one across the street from my dorm
the squrriels are teasing me
the sun is nice and warm

some girls come along with swim caps
with diagrams of brains on them
I take their picture and they laugh
now I want to go for a swim

I should be writing a paper for class
I got half a page complete
I love to put my bare feet on grass
and look at a cloud, an acorn, a leaf

College, first week. done

Well I'm tired and I don't have any organized thoughts to share. I basically just have to say Geneva is awesome and I can't believe how blessed I am to be here, and how blessed I am with great dorm-mates and friends etc... And that only a couple of my professors are slightly boring. But it's not their job to entertain us, just to teach us. If you think about how much I'm paying for college, each class you sit in like like hundreds of dollars. So if you sit there and don't listen, that's a lot of money going right past you. Anyway... I haven't been late or absent to anything yet, and work is going well and my foot is steadily healing and I even played volleyball today! :) things are looking up! :)

greater pleasures

"I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence,

and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures."

Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

This quote talks about how important decisions are. What you decide today can affect you years down the road. And if you have to work really hard and go trough unpleasant things to get a reward, then it's all worth it! You really need to avoid those superficial pleasures that will hurt you years down the roadl. Keep in mind you aren't looking for immediate gratification, you're looking for greater pleasures... Keeps your sights on eternal things guys! God Bless!

a bang

I was in a car crash last Thursday. Thank God the worst injury I have is a sprained foot so I am on crutches. But I'm not here to moan and complain about that.

Right before the impact all I had time to do was think "am I ready to die?"
My life didn't flash through my head in 3 seconds.
I didn't scream.
I didn't think "oh man I didn't get to do this and that"...

I was just ready.
Ready to meet my Savior.

I hope none of you ever have to be in a car crash, but if you do, I hope you're ready. It was a scary situation, but it would have been terrifying if I wasn't ready.

This is like the 2nd time in my life I could have died. When I was 12 I fell down basement stairs while sleepwalking. My angel protected me then, and he/she is still watching out for me. Don't think God doesn't protect His people. Satan is always out to get us and God protects us as much as He can, but God allows things to happen to us that will teach us lessons, or draw us closer to Him.

Oh and always, ALWAYS wear your seat-belt! Don't make your guardian angel work too hard! :)

Easton Cool camp

This week has been full of answered prayer. Cool Camp went wonderful. There were several little boys fighting over me saying "she's mine" "no, she's mine..." it was so cute! Overall, the kids were well behaved... some small disagreements but nothing we can't handle. I think God's been using these couple weeks to prepare us for the rougher neighborhoods we will be going to. Some kids don't have lunches to bring so we give them sandwiches and things. But I know God will give us the strength to fulfill our purpose, to spread Jesus' joy to the kids.

People need the Lord

Victory

The devil really attacked me last week. I know the Lord has amazing plans for me this summer at cool camp. The first week alone was a huge blessing, and our team has grown even closer.

I usually have trouble with some anxiety when I'm away from home. This week was no different. My team is amazing and they made good food and I went to bed at a good time. But still, I seemed to just be tired and not being able to keep my food down. By Wednesday I felt like calling it quits. The devil was telling me lies like I wasn't right for this, I should just quit, they didn't need me, and that I would just be better off sitting home all summer.

Everyone on my team was concerned and praying for me. I had a good cry in the library and Missy was there with me to comfort me and pray with me. I felt then that my burden was lifting and was gaining faith the God could give me strength to carry on. Even with only apple juice for supper and my lunch in the toilet, I knew God could bring me back and make me strong tomorrow. On Thursday I was a whole new person! I ate a nice big breakfast and ate a full lunch and potato casserole for dinner! I was doing back dives and cannon balls in the pool.

On Friday night we were at worship praising God for a great week. There was sadness because Maddie's cousin is battling cancer and the doctors have only given him a couple months and most of that Maddie will be away from home. But through all the pain, there was gladness and praise in our songs because we knew God is watching over us. When we were done, we looked at the clock and couldn't believe we had been reading bible, praying and singing for two hours. The holy spirit was so strong, we were like, why even go to church? This is better than church! But we did go to church and the message was amazing. It was about Paul and his missionary work. Quite appropriate for the end of that week.

I just want to praise God for his grace. I ask for His continued strength to rely on in the following 4 weeks.

People need the Lord!

Graduation Speech

I wrote this speech to give at my graduation party at my house.

Alyssa's Graduation Speech

First off I want thank God for getting me this far in life. Honestly without Him I wouldn’t be here today or even be alive at all. He’s brought me this far, and I know He has many more surprises and opportunities in store. The future, the possibilities, that’s what keeps me going.

Dad is at work today so he couldn’t be here to celebrate. However, Brent is here, and that’s almost like having him here. Brent really is just like our dad in many ways, he looks like him, he laughs loud like him, and he has his brains. If he hasn’t showed off his math skills to you I’m sure he wouldn’t mind demonstrating… thanks Brent for you help in MY math class. Yes, it’s kind of embarrassing my little brother helping me with my math but what else is family for? J Love you Daddy and Brent!

Mom, thank you, for just being you. Thanks for making today possible by running me around shopping and helping me with the food. I could spend a long time just expressing my gratitude; but this speech isn’t supposed to be a 30 minute speech so I can thank you personally later. When I’m older and can look back on it with more perspective I can really understand how to thank you. At least I’ve heard when you grow up and have your own family or move out you start to thank your parents more… so I guess you’ll have that to look forward to even though you’ll really miss me and my free babysitting and everything I offer to this family haha… but let’s not make this speech about me.

Mandy, she couldn’t be here today because as usual, she is she’s following in my footsteps. She's doing lifeguarding at Dorney Park like I did back when I was 16. I told her not to do it, because the people there are crazy, and stuff but that’s the real world I guess. Like a lot of other stuff I tell her what I think she should do and she does the opposite. Us two, we are opposites in a lot of ways so I guess that’s expected. Thanks for being lighthearted and usually cheerful. Thanks for helping me in my Spanish class and in Karate, both of which you are better than me. You’ve been a faithful friend and companion for the past 17 years. I’ll never forget playing barbie town, toy horses, bear town and all our fun memories that you love to tease me about. My first crush, my first job, my first boyfriend and breakup, you were there through it all and usually didn’t say “I told you so.” I don’t mind that you aren’t here today because you’ve been here enough. We have college life to share too, we’re gonna get sick of each other eventually. You’ve stolen my friends enough… not really stolen, but we’ve shared like everything since you were born… so please get your own friends and own interests in college. I think you’d steal the spotlight today if you were here because you truly are wonderful and I admire you. Thanks for all you do. J

Lanaya, I was already about 12 when you were born so of course you’re the baby of the family and I love you very much. When you were little I’d change you diapers, feed you, and basically be your mommy when mommy was busy. I love you very much and hope you don’t miss me too much as being your roommate. I might even miss the toys you leave on my bed and on the floor eventually… but maybe not.

Now that I’ve talked about my family I will talk about my friends…

Thanks Korah for being my first best friend when I moved here. We had so many fun sleepovers, adventures, secrets, campouts, the list goes on…

And Levi, Korah’s brother, thanks for being my friend too. I don’t think of you as just Korah’s brother now though, you’re up here with my besties. We now share common interest like music, photography, and our love for animals. You’ve really matured since I first met you when you were like in 6^th grade. And thanks for being my first prom date for my last prom ever… I really didn’t want to go single again.

Thanks Gwyn and Eve for being here today and for being here the past year or so. My high-school experience would not be the same without you guys. Gwyn thanks for getting me out of my shell more and for all the fun sleepovers, and dances. You’re a hoot. Eve thanks for being funny and nice and caring. It’s amazing how we kind of have a three-some going here, since I kind of introduced you two somehow at that silly school test we had to do. It’s amazing how you find your best friends without even really trying. You guys are two of a kind and I’m really going to miss you. You are both amazing friends and I really hope we don’t lose touch. As I write this I hope I don’t tear up in front of everyone.

I have friends in Minnesota, California, Indiana, Virginia and more… Thanks for being there when I needed you most Curtis, Courtney, Sarah Crew, Andrea, Laura Wehr, and lots more. Some of you I’ve known since I was 9 years old, and some a shorter time but you’re all very important to me. I don’t see you very often but it means so much to know I can talk to you anytime I need to. Kelly, thanks for taking care of our dog Guy, and for helping me celebrate my 18th birthday and for being a good friend. Heather S, we’ve really bonded even though we only met like 6 months ago. Since my extended family doesn’t life close-by my church family is really like a big family. I don’t want anyone to feel left out, so please don’t feel bad if I don’t mention you. Mr. and Mrs. Dekle, the Werts, Heather and Justin, Mr. and Mrs. Stenhouse, Linda Lepage, and everyone else here today. Thanks for being a part of my life.

I’ve only lived in this area for maybe 6 years but they have been some of the most important years of my life and I feel I was meant to be right here. I will definitely have to come back often. We make memories everyday and some will last a lifetime. I hope we make some lasting memories today.

seven

Last night I guess it was, I was having random thoughts as usual and I realized something. I won't mention names, but I have like 7 best friends. That's kinda cool because it's like the number of completion... and when one drifts away for me, then somehow I get a new one not long after. God works in such neat ways to let you know that He cares!

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us."

Graduations

My sister and I both graduated from cyber schools this year. I went to PACyber and she went to PALCS. I had my ceremony on the 12th, and she had hers on the 18th. We are very proud of each other, and it turns out, we will both be going to the same college! :) I thank God that I have come this far in my life.

good-byes

In just ten days I'll be leaving with the other Cool Camp staff to start off the summer. I'll really enjoy meeting new people, working with the kids, and swimming every day! :) But it's very bittersweet because shortly after I get back, I'll be going to college. So really, yesterday I said goodbye to my friends for one of the last times, because who knows when I'll see them again. When I come back from cool camp it's possible my parents will have found a place in NY already. Then I'll be off to my place in Pittsburgh. I tend not to cry in public, but today I did cry in my therapy session. It's like all these feelings bubbled to the surface. I don't just want to up and move after 5 years, but there's nothing I can do about it. There are so many things I'll feel like I'll be missing. I hate good byes.

Senior Prom

I did have a date this year to Senior Prom. It was lots of fun!

Retainers

This morning I went to my Orthodontist, Dr. Frey, and got my retainers! I really like them, they're gold sparkles on the bottom and turquoise on the top. :) My new smile really is a huge boost to my self-esteem! I only have to wear my retainers at night, so that's nice.

summertime strains

yesterday i went to an amusment park called knobels about 1.5 hrs. from my house. i was sick... and it was very hot. but today was even hotter. I was almost as sick... but not as tired. Tonight I wanna sleep 14 hours... I've been up for 15 hours so why not. anyway today i went to dorney park with levi and my sister. got sunburnt and am now putting on aloe vera lotion. have a blister on the bottom of my foot. anyways... this friday is prom... hope my sunburn is a tan by then! :)

"Cool Camp" & summertime...

I got accepted to be a counselor and arts director at cool camp this summer. It's a program my church puts on for five weeks at 5 different churches. It reaches out to kids, helps them learn about God, and show them that being a Christian is cool. One of the highlights is that everyday we go to a pool to swim for a couple hours! I'm really excited about being involved, and being a blessing and gaining a blessing. A bonus will be the Christian fellowship and earning money for college.

Today we're showing our house again. We don't know when exactly we'll be moving or if we'll have a place to go when the house sells. We're just living on faith alone right now... :)

This Sunday is my graduation party and I'm really excited about that. My best friends are coming, and we're going to have lots of food, fun and games. The next day I'm going to Knobels [I've never been the before], with Levi and his family. Later that week we're going to Dorney Park which he's never been to before. A couple years back I worked at Dorney as a lifeguard, and this year that's what my sister is doing. She seems to follow in my footsteps a lot. I could name lots of things, but I won't.

Then June 3rd is prom, and that weekend is retreat for cool camp!

Then June 11 is my graduation and June 12 is beach day at Jersey shore.

The next Friday is Geneva day and the next day is my sister's graduation... and then my sister and Levi will be gone at Piedmont.

Then, just a week until cool camp begins. All in all my summer is pretty packed!

These next couple weeks will be kinda boring during the week... just babysitting my 12 year old brother.... like he really needs a babysitter... Idk.. when I was his age I was running the home when my mom was gone.

I hope to hang out with my friends as much as I can... because I'll be leaving soooooo soon!

Where has the time really gone?

I'm going to keep busy with violin,

sewing,

knitting

and whatever other hobbies I wanna do. .... but I'd really rather hang out with my buddies.... but they're busy most of the time....

Can't wait to make friends at college.... I plan to get outta my shell and be a social butterfly... and just have lots of fun!!!! Good, safe fun. :)

may 17

I'm a hero. I gave blood. I got some heels for prom, it's in just 2 weeks! I'm going to Dorney soon! Seeing POTC this weekend. Finishing High school this Friday. I'd say it's been a pretty eventful month.

Karate... health.... future

On the 29th I will be testing for my yellow belt in karate, so wish me well! It's been quite a journey, battling with asthma and other things that made me want to just QUIT! I'm going to the doctor Tuesday to try to see what the cause of my chronic pelvic pains could be. And of course I'll probably be sent to a specialist, and have to have gross medical stuff done. I'm so scared about what it could be, but I'm trying to have faith. Lately, my life seems to be getting together, with graduation, getting my braces off, and moving soon, it feels like maybe I'll get a new start. Then, this new battle comes my way, along with other people's struggles that entwine with my life. Let me just say... friends, and whoever else is out there, please pray for me.

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

In, not of

29 days...

Twenty nine days until the last day of school. 22 more days after that is my graduation ceremony. A few days after that... or maybe before, we'll have a graduation party. After that is summer, but no vacation for me, I'll be working all summer. Picking berries maybe, or some other job. Then July I hope I get into the cool camp program that our Pennsylvania conference is putting on. Then August college starts. Everything is still up in the air because I don't know when we are going to sell the house and move. So needless to say... I've been stressed lately.

Beaver County...

Where my life began....

Where my life will really start!

yippy yippy yayy yayy

I'm going to be in my friend's wedding on April 10th!
I went to the orthodontist this morning, at an unearthly hour, but thank goodness I'm on track and I'm getting my braces off on April 19th! Everytime someone's hand wasn't in my mouth, I was yawning. I need to adjust my body to get up an hour earlier, daylight savings is on Sunday. I'll try getting up at 7, then 6:30 then 6. I am used to getting up at 7:30. Some may say that's sleeping in, but to my sister, it's crazy early haha.
Yippee!! I'm excited about Spring Fling on the 26th. :)
I am in the mood to go shopping (for clothes). I have some birthday money, not much but enough for what I need. I love my friends.
We're putting our house on the market on Sunday. I'm going to miss this house.
I'm getting my yellow belt in karate soon. My little sister might have asthma. She keeps me up at night with her coughing, poor thing. Maybe I should sleep in my other sister's room tonight.
If I keep up at the pace I'm going, I should have my history and math courses finished my the end of the month, that leaves me with Engish, Sociology and Spanish. :)

my teeth

Going to the orthodontist in the morning. Here's hoping everything is going well. Can't wait to get them braces off!

SOUP

I love chicken noodle soup. I love tomato soup. I love potato soup. I love broccoli soup. I love soup!

I'm blond

I'm a blondy now. I can't say I've exactly "had more fun" yet as a result. But I do like it on me.

Dear Tiddlywinks...

I've never had a great Valentines... but today tops the cake. Last night you died. I hope you didn't experience too much pain. I didn't cry yet, I guess I've already accepted it, or I'm in denial. You were such a special bunny. I think you were everyone's favorite but we didn't want to offend the others so we kinda kept that a secret. I'm glad you had a happy life, even if it was only 2 years. You survived death once, at birth only you and your brother survived out of 7 babies. Then your mother didn't want to nurse you so we fed you goat milk until you started eating hay and pellets. Lanaya loved you most I think. She gave your brother and you your names. We weighed you all the time to make sure you were growing up healthy. You were always a couple ounces smaller than your brother, but you were a survivor. You had a third sibling that survived birth but only lived about 3 days. I was scared the rest of you wouldn't make it either, but you and your brother stuck together and made it. You were best buds until maybe half a year, then you got you own cages. I loved holding you and watching you hop and leap around the room or the yard. I loved ticking your ears and you'd shake your head to show me it annoyed you. I don't know what else to say. You'll always hold a special place in my heart along with Jeffery, Chloe and Emile. RIP Tiddles.

College letters...

With my SAT score only being 1550, with a 590 Reading, 450 Math, 510 Writing; I didn't expect any scholarships. I don't even know my GPA but it's, not to brag, pretty good. lol I did get a D in Algebra back in 9th grade, but that was my only D. Pretty much everything else I got As or some Bs. And this year, all As, even buisness math course which I hated!! lol. So I was suprised to get a call this afternoon from Geneva saying I got a $32,000 academic scholarship. Yay! It looks like this is where the Lord is leading. But I still haven't made up my mind if I am going to Geneva college, Edinboro or Kutztown. Just keep researching, praying and thinking what will be best. toodles!

my life in February 2011...

There are lots of new things going on this month. I got accepted to Edinoboro University. My dad will be starting at his job in NY the end of the month. My little sister got her first report card and did excellent. Today, I've been in school for 103 days this school year. I wish I could say I'm excited about change and of all the things I'm looking forward to. But really I feel stuck in time and reluctant to let go. I'm really gonna miss my friends here. But it'll be a comfort to know they aren't thousands of miles away, only a hundred or so. And I really hope we keep in touch. You never know though. I'm also going to miss our bunnies. We have to find homes for a couple of them, and I'll have to leave my gerbils behind when I go to college too. When you think about it, the schoolwork and all isn't the hardest adjustment to college life I'll have, it'll be the enviroment. Let's hope and pray I don't change too much. I'm praying I select the college that's right for me.

braces coming off soon! horray!!!

I'm getting my braces off April 19th which is like 11 weeks from now. I don't have to wear elastics anymore so the worst is over. I can't wait!!! I really wanna get those crest whitening strips on and have my teeth nice and white! :)
And I got green links on the top to keep the front too teeth from having a gap. I wanted to have them for st. patrick's day, but they might come off before then. I might dye my hair green though. :) Green is my favorite color.

Ancient History, Beowulf

I am not completely sure if what I wrote about when Beowulf was around is completely true. There is little known about when it actually occurred or was written. I'm not very good at dates and stuff but I think my teacher said something about the year 950. But I am actually clueless whether that means B.C. or A.D. So go ahead, make fun. Unless you've never even read the poem, then you have no right to make fun. hehe.
"Its composition by an anonymous Anglo-Saxon poet is dated between the 8th[3][4] and the early 11th century.[5] It fell into oblivion for many centuries, and its existence did not become widely known again until it was printed in 1815."
For more information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beowulf

Today I finished reading and writing a paper on how it compares to the movie The 13th Warrior. If you like blood and guts and Swedish knight stuff from around 950 B.C. you'll enjoy the movie. If you like long poems written by a monk, you're gonna love the book. It had God all throughout the peom, which is sort of ironic because these viking-type Swedes, also known as Geats in the book, probably worshiped norse gods and other things. I'm not an expert on it. I did enjoy the poem, it's a nice change from the literature of our day. This could very well be the first hero ever in history. There is a movie called Beowulf, but I don't recommend you watch it, I heard it does a terrible job of telling Beowulf's story. But if you hate reading that much, and just want a typical hero type film, go for it. But I would much rather see you go to youtube and watch The 13th Warrior. Antonio Banderas is the star in that movie and it's quite funny at times.

hamsters and gerbils and chipmunks, oh my!

baby chipmunk

This is what I dreamed about last night, among other rodents. I was walking through a zoo of cages with rodents inside. I am really gonna miss my animals when I go off to college. The only animal I'll be able to keep at college would be fish, so maybe I'll get myself a betta fish for company since they're easier to transport and care for.

baby chinchillas

Got Braces?

Yes, I still do. :( I went in today and when the technician saw my bite she gasped and like jumped back... a little dramatically. Apparently my bite is still bad. The two middle bottom teeth are being stubborn so they took off the brackets and re-positioned them so that should help. I'm doubling up on the elastics, like they just told me to... I never thought to do that before!

My younger sister got her braces off today. She got them put on the same exact day as me too! Now she's wearing positioners and she can't talk, unless you think grunting loudly is talking. LOL. I'm guessing maybe it will be a bit more quiet around here without her talking, unless she continues to grunt loudly instead of talking.

I am determined to get mine off before summer!!! Before graduation!!!!! It should only take a couple more months, I'm guessing. But I still don't know exactly when they're coming off yet. It's been 20 months!!! I wonder if my teeth will feel naked when they all come off. Going back in 7 weeks to get a thicker wire on. Please keep your fingers crossed for me and wish me luck!

Before braces in 2008:

Now:

being a teenager ....

When you think of teenagers, what do you think of? Rebellion, changing moods, laziness, minimum wage, late nights, partying, theft, risk taking, maybe even drinking and drugs? Well, I am one of the teenagers who don't think people should sterotype us like that. Even though it is true that this generation is the most corrupt in history, there are those who are different.

I have been raised a Christian but didn't accept Christ into my life until I was 12 and didn't take it very seriously until age 15. But then after I was baptised at 15 the devil came harder then ever after me. I got a summer job lifeguarding and basically went through the motions. I never went to work instead of church, but when I was in church I felt myself wishing I was at work or hanging out with my work buddies instead. I was a 16 year old life guard with guys hitting on me every day. I was looking great on the outside, but inside, I was a mess. I wanted a bf even though I knew the guys at work weren't christian, besides the fact I knew I was too young anyway for something serious. I just wanted to have fun. So I was just going through the motions of being a Christian. I skipped Bible camp that year as I had the previous year. I read my bible sometimes but didn't gain anything from it because I didn't read it prayerfully. The next year I went to a week of bible camp, and that was a real turning point for me. I realized that God really did love me even though I thought I wasen't good enough. It's an upward journey that I'm still traveling. I ensourage you to go aganist the flow. Be one of those teenagers who people look at and say, there's something different about them.

watching winnie the pooh....

Falling from a tree is just like rolling out of bed

Piglet: really?

Tigger: except for the splat at the end, they're practically similar.

...

In times like this, Christopher Robin said I just have to remember, you're taller than a beam? you're slower than whipped cream?

....

What's donkey boy saying? I said ouch. AHHHHHHH [and they all fall because donkey let go]

...

he'd say... that rabbit just can't function in this humidity!!

remember what? I forget, but it's something like: you're smarter when you're pink! Does that help?

....

piglet: seee sa sa sa sa skee skaa skaa ska

rabbit: try to be more specific!

piglet: skull

..

if each one went where the other wasen't

and each one was where the other wasen't

what I mean to say is perhaps we should split up.

Rabbit: pooh, what a great idea!

Pooh: thank you, for whatever it was I said.

...

Rabbit: I'd have to figure it out by myself, from scratch! Can I do that?

...

rabbit: that owl! I knew skull had another y in it

....

to be fair to us both, I should munch twice as much.

But then it would only last half as long.

....

and we looked and looked but every place we looked was one of the places you weren't.

...

December... december

Yesterday I spent the day with my friend Gwyn and we went to the PACYBER VC fair. We got to meet most of our virtual classroom teachers. =] We even stopped at taco bell on the way home. The previous two nights I slept over at her house and we watched a movie each night. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean and Nanny Mcfee. I love both of those movies. :) Looking at colleges for me to go to!!! Already applied to Kutztown and Edinboro. Looking at about 7 in total. Just found out that Mansfield is only about a half hour from where we're gonna be moving. Hopefully we can visit there some weekend soon!!! I wanna visit all these places to see what their campus is like, especially the dorm life. But I guess the most important thing for me is to make sure Special Education is for me. I really think it is, and most of the people I talk to about it think I'd be great at it too. Christmas is only 10 days away.... are you serious!!! I haven't bought any presents yet. It's gonna be a low-key holiday. I am really looking forward to Dec 29-Jan 2 which is when GYC is! I'm going to the Generation of Youth for Christ conference. Check it out: gycweb.org

My own gerbils

I have had Remy for a few years. He had a buddy Amile that died maybe 9 months ago. Then we wanted to try again to mate him, so my friend gave me her gerbil Sweetpea. Either Amile [formally Ruby] AND sweet pea are actually both boys.... or Remy is sterile. Either way, they're great friends. When we first got Remy he was very shy, plus he was left alone for a few weeks at the pet store. My sister had bought both of his brothers. We felt sorry for him, so I adopted him and worked hard to bond with him and have him bond with Amile. He eventually stopped peeing on my hand and biting. He never bit hard enough to make me bleed though. They do it when they're scared or curious. Sweet pea and Remy are both still timid, but still curious like most gerbils and not vicious.